Microsoft Azure, AWS, Google Cloud Platform – the Cloud is transforming the world of computing. We use the Cloud. But when I saw the chance to eat the Kloud I jumped at the opportunity!
Come along this tasting journey with me to find out what is the Kloud? Will my bowels survive it? Have I finally found a ridiculously-named snack that also tastes good?
Reader, this is “The Kloud”:
It’s not a digital server farm somewhere in Utah. It is a “dried pollack snack”. Little dried fish covered in a salty batter.
Opening the pouch, the first thing that hits you is the smell: intimidatingly fishy. Like Asian shrimp crackers but with a stinky garbage finish.
Then, you’re struck by the stingy portion. The bag is less than half full:
The fish nuggets have an anaemic yellow colour, kinda like fries. The outside is made of batter with visible crystals – probably salt or some additive. You can see brown bits of the fish flesh peeking out of gaps in the batter.
When you bite down on one of these you get a very crispy crunch. The fish itself is totally dried so the crunch is from the flesh and bones, not from the batter on the outside (something I actually liked!).
The biggest taste is sweetness – like sweet snack crackers. The fish flavour is very mild. I was looking forward to a funky fish punch, but it never came. Mascarpone cheese is listed in the ingredients but there was no cheese punch either.
Unpunched, I went on with chewing down the fish bits. Each piece tastes different depending on its size and fish-to-batter ratio. Small pieces are too sweet and salty. Big pieces are tolerably salty and have a bit more fish flavour.
There is surprisingly little aftertaste. Like a salty little nothing that came and went, just like that (wait… are you that fish snack from Vacation Bible School?)
Eating them with beer:
According to some Kloud pouches, this snack is best enjoyed with beer. So I decided to try out the Kloud Knuggets™ (the ™ is mine, I invented the name just now) with some Sapporo beer. Just in case they are optimized for a great beer experience.
Dear Reader, they are not.
Their subtle flavour is drowned by the beer. Which is… good? I guess? If you hate sweet fish crackers?
These Knuggets™ would’ve tasted better with beer if they had more spice or a stronger fish taste.
Verdict
I give the Kloud two fish out of five: 🐟🐟
This treat reinforces the main moral of “Jacob Eats”: you shouldn’t pick your food based on a jokey name. If you want a funky treat to eat with your beer, stick with the tiny dried shrimp you can find at Chinese supermarkets. They’re meant for stir-frying but taste quite good raw*.
* By reading this statement you acknowledge that the author of this blog shall not be held responsible for any food poisoning or gastric parasite infestation you may develop as a result of eating dry, uncooked shrimp.
For more “Jacob Eats”
Why would you do this to yourself?
