We all know how eating works:

The food goes in your mouth hole. It slides down the neck tube. Gets pummelled by the stomach muscles. Then it galumphs down the small intestine, spelunks through your large intestine, and PAPOW! that brown, gooey goodness – yes ladies and gentlemen – today I am munching on that Cream Collon.

This Cream Collon snack starts out promising.

It’s comes in a handsome package with rounded edges. That red “Glico” logo lulls you into trusting that this will be a tasty treat. After all, this Japanese juggernaut is the same company that makes “Pocky” – a classic pretzel and chocolate delight.

The cool Cream Collon box opens up to reveal a sad metallic baggy inside. In the bag are short, unappealing rolled wafers – a bit like the popular “Pirouette” brand (or the unpopular and terrifying “Stik-O” brand).

Pictured: the French mime who torments my dreams

The box has a nifty slit and tongue for resealing it. But the idea that the stingy portion inside will ever warrant a second session is simply preposterous. Preposterous!

Picking up a roll, the wafer shell is very brittle and basically disintegrates in the hand. The bottom of the baggie is covered with shell fragments that chipped off during transit. The smell is like generic wheat wafers – plain and papery.

Sinking your teeth into them, the crunchy outside doesn’t hold up to a bite. It splits into little flakes. The chocolate filling is oily in texture. It tastes rich and fatty, with a weak chocolate flavour. There is a cheerful note of coconut in there but there’s no coconut in the ingredient list. After a short investigation, I conclude that the “almond praline paste” in the ingredient list is probably the source of this flavour.

The aftertaste is faintly chocolatey. The #1 ingredient in Cream Collon is palm oil – so there are no real flavours there that would linger.

Well… another disappointing adventure.
My desire to have an excuse for eating weird snacks (“IT’S FOR THE BLOG, MOM!”) has ended with me munching down on the Collon when I should’ve been topping up on tastier treats.

Verdict: recommended by 1 proctologist out of 5 🧑‍⚕️🥼🥼🥼🥼