In their latest bid to tear the USA apart, evil American oligarchs have decided to make the existence of transgender people the question du jour. (I presume the actual question they’re asking is “should we permit them to exist, or should we start building mobile gas shower units now?”)

Today I’m going to wade into this morass by eating everyone’s favourite genderfluid snack: Chick Boy.

Is she a chick? Is he a boy? let’s eat and find out!

The soundtrack to this tasting are the autotune & harpsichord sounds of genderfluid nepo-baby musician Dorian Electra. We’re listening to the Flamboyant album. (favourites: “Career Boy” and “Man to Man”. I mean, what kind of man hasn’t had a parking-lot fight devolve into kissing? right?)

The nuggets – Chick Boylets? – are light yellow in colour and look a bit like popcorn. They’re made of reconstituted tapioca & corn starch with oils. This is a truly evil snack: the balance of corn and MSG is perfect. It’s sweet, but not cloyingly sweet like when I ate Ding Dong. The flavour is very buttery corny, kind of like Bugles.

Each nugget gives an audible crunch and then dissolves into nothing. Very similar to Cheetos and popcorn.

When a snack does this “dissolving trick” the phenomenon is called Vanishing Caloric Density. It fools your brain into eating an unlimited amount of the snack. Here is a blurb about it from a New York Times article about the tricks processed-food makers use to make their products irresistible:

He ticked off a dozen attributes of the Cheetos that make the brain say more. But the one he focused on most was the puff’s uncanny ability to melt in the mouth. “It’s called vanishing caloric density,” Witherly said. “If something melts down quickly, your brain thinks that there’s no calories in it . . . you can just keep eating it forever.”

If you are interested in the topic of food engineering, then I recommend the book “Salt, Sugar, Fat” by Michael Moss (the author of the NY Times article).

The downfall of Chick Boy is that it leaves a greasy, oily slime on your teeth. And an unpleasant aftertaste once you’re done eating. For this reason, I give this snack 3 chicks out of 5 boys.

Thank you for reading through this snack review.

In writing this, your humble author learned something bigger about the world. You ate the snack – it doesn’t matter if it’s a Chick or a Boy. And you weren’t as drunk as you claim you were so you wanted the snack. You get to have guilt-free fun with whatever kind of snack you like, regardless of it’s gender.

Stay cool, Chick Boy.